What You Need To Know About Feelings

Feelings don’t drop from the sky.

Zainab Atanda
3 min readApr 16, 2021

I will define feelings as expressions that originate from experiences, circumstances, thoughts, information and emotions.

Let’s break this down

As a human being, you are not your feelings, you only feel your feelings. This means if you are feeling sad today, that doesn’t make you a sad person, if you feel lost this minute, it doesn’t make you a confused person.

Feelings are pointers to the root cause. A feeling comes from something deeper, your attention shouldn’t be focused on the feeling but on the cause.

Take a look at this scenario;

A guy is feeling anxious to woo a lady. Why?

This could be reasons why:

1. He stammers

2. He is timid

3. He has read alot about rejections

4. He has low self-esteem

But if he doesn’t go past his feelings, a solution will be impossible, because feelings are only pointers to the problem.

What he ought to do is to ask himself “Why do I feel this way?” This will make him aware of the emotions behind the feelings and that is a better reality that can be solved.

Go beyond your feelings

You can also liken this to having a symptom when falling sick, the symptoms merely show that something is wrong, it is not the sickness itself.

Feelings Are Not Emotions

Feelings are carriers of emotions. We can’t see emotions without feelings.

Feelings are visible, emotions are invisible.

Pain, fear, Joy, shock, anger, kindness, and so on are emotions but they can’t be visible if not expressed physically. It is through feelings that we see the emotions that lie within.

You can’t recognize a sad face if not expressed through feelings.

Photo by Tengyart on Unsplash

What Are Emotions?

Emotions are stirred from words, actions, the environment, what you see, what you hear and so on. They are states of the mind and they influence our behaviours.

It is also possible to have an emotion and not express it.

Yes, take a look at “fear” as an example.

It is possible for one to be afraid and not show it. I believe this is why we have words like “pretence” and “courage". In such a case, the emotion is present but the feeling is absent.

This proves that we can control our feelings.

Your Feelings Can Be Controlled

It comes from a place of choice, understanding and sometimes discipline.

You might wonder, why do I need to control my feelings?

Your feelings are your expressions, they are visible to man. Your thoughts, experiences, and emotions could easily be seen through your expressions.

A human with no control of his/her feelings is an open book.

You would agree that there are perks to being an open book but the disadvantages outweigh the advantages.

Let’s take a look at another scenario:

A newbie at work was given the opportunity to sit at the table with board of directors. Obviously, what is expected of her, is that she comports herself and learn. But she couldn’t contain her excitement. She felt happy, important, and valuable. Her emotions got the best of her and she giggled all through the meeting.

The directors were offended and irritated, they could understand her excitement but they expected her to have controlled those feelings and not disturb the meeting. I am sure she focused more on her presence in the room than what she ought to learn.

The lesson of the story: Whatever the circumstance is, you actually have the power to control your feelings.

What You Should Take From This Article

  • Feelings are only expressions, don’t treat them like a big deal.
  • Question your feelings, it helps you stay in check.
  • You can control your feelings, it is a choice you have to make at any given time.
  • If you don’t control your feelings, people will control you.
  • You are not your feelings. You only feel it.
  • Feelings are fickle.

Feel free to share your opinions with me.